we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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