Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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