you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize