$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
