I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
