i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
