I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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