I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
