I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
