you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize