I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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