Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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