Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
