my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
