its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
