remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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