he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I AM VODKA MAN
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
