I am puke
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
