quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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