1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
