The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
