porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
