yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
