You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
