my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize