We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
