i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
