My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
