i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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