I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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