The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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