I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
