I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
