my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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