Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
