in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
