It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
