Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
