come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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