ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ttyl tear gas
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
