Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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