Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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