Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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