Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
