It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
