STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
