there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
