Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize