I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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