i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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