right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
did you just send me my own nude
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
