I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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