May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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