Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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