yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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