I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
