He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
