so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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