So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize