i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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