He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
