why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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