The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
