If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
