u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
