Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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