ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
