we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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