so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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