oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
