I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize