Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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