Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
