you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
