I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
