About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
