this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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