I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
