Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
