At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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