I hate all girls vehemently.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize