She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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