So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
