I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im six kinds of drunk right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
