i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
