Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
