There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
