my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize