for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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