If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize