we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
