That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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