I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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