To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
