yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
