i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
