Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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