I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
