How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Randomize
