Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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