Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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