I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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