And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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