well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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