I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you still have your period?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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