i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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