I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
