He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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