Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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