Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
