I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
